Great Expectations
When you're a child, everyone expects you to go through many changes. In fact,
they insist upon it! A common refrain being "grow up," we're often confronted by the opinion that the
way we are is not the way we're meant to be. Not only is your behavior expected to change (and as
you gain more experience and awareness, of course, it does change), but also your interests. "Put away
those childish things," "that's just for babies," and "you're too old for that." Most of all, even
your physical appearance changes, quite drastically!
Though much of the encouragement to change can seem a bit harsh, the
transformative process itself is something to be celebrated and enjoyed. Learning about the
world around you, as well as within, pushes these adaptations into bloom. And of course, this isn't
limited to humans, but applies to all living beings. From caterpillar, to cocoon, to butterfly.
We all change, and we should all be expected to change.
Stagnation
However, the strangest thing seems to happen. Eventually, people begin to
expect you not to change. This comes about when you hit a certain age (starts as early
as your late twenties and gets more insistent as you age), or more interpersonally, when someone has
known you for a few years. The latter could be explained by the tendency for people to prefer
predictability, but the former is really a strange societal expectation that can over time become
internalized.
We are expected to essentially calcify. By adulthood, our bodies greatly slow
in changing, and for some reason, all other aspects of our selves are assumed to follow suit. Hobbies,
tastes, interests, style, diction, and even level of achievement are all presumed to be settled. The
only exception seems to be the inevitable decline in old age.
But why?
There are a plethora of factors that fuel these expectations. Our predecessors
and our media and even our own observations serve to perpetuate a certain, prescribed narrative. There
is a certain trajectory we're assumed to (and even strive to) take in life, one that has this
vast plateau in the middle of it. Beyond that, there is the simple fact that change is hard, and as we
stack up a greater tower of experiences, it only gets harder; we're afraid of doing something that
would cause it all to topple.
In youthful ignorance, failure is not so frightening. Without knowing how
painful its sting can be, a bumble-bee is just a cute, fuzy, little oddity. However, we can't let a few
bee stings keep us from ever venturing outdoors. Learning new things, trying out new hobbies, and
practicing new skills brings such joy, that any fear of failure should pale in comparison.
But really, it's not just the failure itself that's scary, it's also
anticipating what others would think, how foolish you would look if it doesn't pan out. Sometimes just
trying something new elicits ridicule. People might express negative surprise over you wearing
a different style of clothes, or ask derisively why you would even want to do something like go camping
when you spend most of your time indoors. Don't let their discomfort with the unpridictable prevent you
from trying on that new hat or go skydiving for the first time. It's your life, not theirs!
Can't stay still
I've made several big changes in my 30's, the biggest being in my career, but
also in several other areas. I've grown a great appreciation for Jazz (finally gave it a real listen),
ended up riding a huge Harley, and actually stopped drinking alcohol. This very website, while
a sort of return to memories of how the Web used to be, is a new endeavor in learning how to make my
own website from the ground up! (eventually, I want to host this site on my own home server, with
my own domain, but that's a little ways down the road)
We are all capable of continued change and further growing. That process is
really quite beautiful, and it ought to be encouraged! There's a reason that feeling stuck in a
rut is a source of depression. To move and change is to feel vibrant and alive! The next time
you see something fun and novel, try it out!
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